A Disk-O interview with Terry Gerald

How does one describe the type of wunderkind that is Terry Gerald? An everyman, yet no one. Above him, only God. The rest of us, well, we endeavor to understand. To catch a glimpse of genius. We caught up with "Magic T" on his mink ranch in the Ozarks, enjoying a late supper of sea bream and Vietnamese toast. Dressed in his rancher's gown, Terry seemed pensive, yet languid and bittersweet as we discussed his pond, his goat, and his waterbed empire.

Disk-O: You seem to know a lot about Vietnamese toast.

Magic T: Yes. It's a simple dish really. For some reason it's not all that well known to most who've never made it too far off the trail.

D-O: The Ho Chi Min Trail?

MT: No, the Trail of Tears. See, the recipe for toast was passed to the Native North Americans by ancient natives of what is now southern Paraguay. The Paraguayans have an ancient legend of "the small man in the flying shoes who put bread to fire a second time." What many people know of as Paraguayan toast actually came from early Vietnamese settlers of the region.

D-O: So you're saying that the Vietnamese discovered America.

MT: Precisely.

D-O: If my memory serves me correctly, Vietnam didn't exist at that point in history.

MT: ............... I got a corvette.

D-O: ok... So word is it that you've been spending most of your time of late with your goat, Mr. Tomorrow. What do have to say to those who criticize you for this relationship, and how it relates to the waterbed industry.

MT: He's old and sore. He's a constant aggravation on the beds.

D-O: Why do you keep him around?

MT: He twinkles. And he's a great resource for concerns. ... My goiter has finally gone down now so I can swallow.

D-O: And you feel Mr. Tomorrow has had something to do with this?

MT: No.

D-O: Ok. So you live on a mink ranch. How did this come about?

MT: I never meant to really. They have an interesting energy coefficient.

D-O: You mean their coats? How do you respond to people who are against the fur trade?

MT: Well, I was working with some consultants from other parts of the country who gave me a lot of information, including that little squirt of an attempt at an "informative presence" that you just busted on me, but I've been out here for years. One old blue and green parka was laying out by the south fence once but I never picked it up or showed anyone. None of their business anyway.

D-O: Didn't you grow up on a mink ranch?

MT: Oh........... I don't know. I grew up in California.......... I gotta go.

D-O: Um, we haven't been served the bream yet.

MT: Yeah, but you're starting to change colors on me and I'm thinking about the pond again.

D-O: I'm sorry?

MT: It's 40 minutes past 3 and I have to feed them. And Mom's coming. She doesn't like water or long cars.

D-O: I'm sorry. Maybe this interview is over. Do you have any final words? And, by the way, it's quarter to ten.

MT: I've got a corvette and three tanning beds. I will announce when the interview is over.

D-O: Ok Terr. I'll keep the interview rolling.

MT: You're interviewing me?

D-O: Yes. Your publicist set this up. I work for Disk-O, an online magazine..

MT: I think you're magic. Like tender bushes.

D-O: We at Disk-O have heard that you're considering making a screenplay from your unpublished masterpiece, "Soakin' It" and that you'd like to produce the film yourself?

MT: Yes, I'm very excited about this project. I'm hoping to cast myself in the starring role.

D-O: The Starving Cherub?

MT: Well it's not really my angle but I think I would do better than anyone during the vomiting sequences.

D-O: Have you been rehearsing for those sequences?

MT: I haven't seen bream this translucent in years.

(we're finally served the bream)

D-O: I don't think I can eat this. Thank you for chatting with Disk-O. It's been enlightening.

MT: Sit down.

D-O: Thanks. But I have to go.

MT: All right.

Once again, the fabulous Terry Gerald thrills us with insight into the very nature of being. The architecture of his relationship with life and all around him serves as inspiration to us all. As we slog through our work-a-day lives, we can only strive to reach that level of understanding.