Executive Strategies "Playing Possum"

Today in career forum we take a look at advanced strategies that can help the midlevel executive secure that top position. While much has been said about the need for Total Quality Management and the overwhelming need for corporate downsizing and child labor, little has been said about 'playing possum.'

This all-encompassing concept has become a hot idea in management seminars yet has existed for many years in the workplace. As is well known, in nature, when Mr. Possum finds himself in the presence of a danger, he will feign death until the deadly predator leaves. Later he will get up and go along his merry way. In business, this tactic is practiced in a similar manner; when the modern executive finds himself in a tight spot, he assumes the likeness of a corpse until trouble passes. Far more advanced than ostrich-like practices that have dominated corporate thinking up to now, new proponents are excited about new uses for possum management. Take Jim Ferguson, a top-level executive at the Bendaflex Corporation. Says Jim, "I was sitting in a meeting and they asked me why my third quarter earnings were down." Rather than taking the blame for poor management, or firing what few workers remained at Bendaflex, Jim suddenly grabbed his chest and started convulsing on top of the boardroom table. Gasping for breath he cried out in painful agony and after several minutes of uncontrollable spasms suddenly appeared to leave this mortal coil. This quick thinking distracted the CEO and saved his job. While being rushed to the hospital, Jim was able to think of a lower level executive to blame for the poor performance.

Tina Parmouth, a noted analyst at Lipshitz and Associates has taken playing possum to new extents, she neither answers the phone, nor signs off on any paperwork, preferring to remain in her office in a semi-catatonic state. "My secretary and I have a little code," she proffers, "If someone important is outside my door, she asks for me in a loud voice and then has the guest wait for a moment while she checks on me." This allows Tina a few crucial moments to down several muscle relaxers that help her effect a more lifeless pose. While acting like a recently deceased employee tends to make work, "somewhat dull," Tina is not about to turn down the three promotions and several large bonuses she has received.

However, with more of management practicing this cutting edge technique, it becomes harder to use it effectively. Brad Scott recounted how at a recent meeting there suddenly came an eerie silence. All present at the meeting in one fleeting moment had collapsed in their chairs. Not to be outdone, the secretary recording the minutes suddenly lapsed into a coma. He remembers, "...not being sure whether to get up and call an ambulance at this moment. Then I realized that I wasn't the only one who had 'played possum.' Luckily, Brad remained motionless until a cleaning lady noticed the 'corpses' and called for medical attention.

As with any new theory, there are critics of this strategy. Some say that it accounts for vast amounts of mismanagement and gives an unfair competitive edge to narcoleptics. Others feel that it is disrespectful to the deceased. In the end, we all know that there are winners and losers, and these sadly pathetic narrow-minded souls are just a bunch of cry-babies.