Welcome To Disk-O

Disk-O Funnies: Illustrations by Paul Jeffries

A very famous big-band leader was wrongly convicted of capital murder, and sentenced to die in the electric chair. Early in the evening on the day of his execution, he phoned his accountant, and said, "I'd like you to sell all of my possessions before midnight. Every stock and bond, all pieces of real estate, every vehicle. Get rid of it all." "Why?" his accountant queried. "There's no time for that now, man. I need you to begin selling everything now."

Within a short span of time, the accountant completed the task. As the moment of execution approached, the bandleader was led into the chamber, strapped to the chair, and waited for the stroke of midnight. When the clock struck 12, the executioner threw the switch, and nothing happened. The circuit was reset, but again, nothing. This went on for quite some time. The bandleader was released from prison and met his accountant at the gate to the jail.

"Will you tell me now why I sold all your possessions?" asked the accountant.

"Certainly," replied the bandleader. "It's quite simple. When you sold everything I owned, I became a poor conductor."

Two guys were taking chemistry at the University of Louisville. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, and labs, and had a solid "A" going into the final. They were so confident that the weekend before finals (the chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Kentucky and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, they overslept on Sunday and didn't make it back to Louisville until early Monday morning. Rather than take the final then, they found their professor after the final and explained to him why they missed it.

They told him that they went up to the University of Kentucky for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back. They didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time and that's why they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final the following day.

The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day to take the final. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They each looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 Points. It was a simple question about molarity and solutions. "Cool," they thought. "This is going to be easy." They answered the question and then turned the page.They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points) - Which tire?

Think you know everything?

1.	Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
2.	Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
3.	There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
4.	The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
5.	A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
6.	There are more chickens than people in the world.
7.	Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
8.	The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
9.	On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
10.	All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
11.	No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
12.	"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
13.	All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
14.	Almonds are a member of the peach family.
15.	Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
16.	Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
17.	There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
18.	Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
19.	A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
20.	An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
21.	Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
22.	In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
23.	Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
24.	The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
25.	A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
26.	A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27.	A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
28.	It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
29.	The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
30.	In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
31.	The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
32.	Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
33.	The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
34.	There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
35.	"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ! ! ! !

WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

When you step into a shower, which part of the body do you wash first?

(A) chest (B) face (C) armpits (D) hair (E) privates (F) shoulders (G) others

Now scroll down to go check what you are ...
The following describes your character:

(A)	CHEST You are a practical person. Straight forward and do not beat around the bush. To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be those who chose (D) hair.
(B)	FACE Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you but you are not concerned as to what they think. Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish and tend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who chose (E) privates and (G) others.
(C)	ARMPITS You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally a very popular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as you are the working type with average talent. Your best partner in life will be those who chose (F)shoulders.
(D)	HAIR Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby but you can achieve what most other people cannot. Dedication is lacking but you will work tirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is not important. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistic types. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please the other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your best partners in life will be those who chose (A) chest and (E) privates.
(E)	PRIVATES Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring and unattractive. Perseverance is not your strength and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence, in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your best partner in life will be those who chose (B) face and (D) hair.
(F)	SHOULDERS A born loser. You fail in almost everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a living hell. Money and power are also important to you, but your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who chose (C) armpits are your only chance.
(G)	OTHERS You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and sell your potential. Deep down, you are a very likeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide your weaknesses. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different techniques but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best partners in life will be those who chose (B) face.