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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell
their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate
has a peg-leg, a hook-hand, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept
overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling
me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy
ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of
the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye
patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked
incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "It was my first day with the
hook."
How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? A Bucaneeeer!!!
Did you hear about the new Pirate movie? It's rated...ArghRRRRRRRR.
What's the pirate's wife's name? Peggy.
There once was a treasure ship on its way back
to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate,
skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! "Captain, captain,
what do we do?" asked the first mate. "First mate," said the
captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my
red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew
to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship
was repelled without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time
by two pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically,
and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took
many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration.
The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red
shirt.
"It`s simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does
not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home
port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy`s
armada were approaching! "Captain, captain, we're in terrible
trouble, what do we do?" The first mate looked expectantly at
the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate...bring
me my brown pants!"
What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrrrrgyle
What does a pirate do after he brushes his teeth?
He garrrrrrr..gles....
What star wars character was really a pirate? Arrrrrgh-2
D2
What is a pirate's favorite country? Arrrrrgh-entina
Why are pirates so mean? They just arrrrrrgh
Why did one pirate hit the other pirate? They were
having an arrrrrrgh-ument
Hmuch did the pirate pay for his hook and peg? An
arrrrrrrm and a leg.
A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of his ship
attached to his crotch. The bartender takes one look at this and
asks "Hey matey, what the hell is that thing doing attached to
your crotch. The pirate says "Arrrr I don't know, but it's drivin'
me nuts."
Where are me buccaneers? On me Buccan Head! har har har
At sea a pirate ship had an accident and was sinking. The whole
crew died when the ship went down, except for one pirate. The
pirate held onto a plank and drifted around for several days.
Finally he washed ashore onto a deserted island and found food,
water and sheep.
So, he was quite happy apart from his sexual intentions, because
every time he tried to take a sheep from behind they would run
off and always be too quick for him to catch.
Then one day while watching the ocean he saw another ship which
was sinking. This ship was not too far out from shore, so he swam
out and the only person he could find partly alive was this really
beautiful girl. She also happened to be completely naked. So he
brought her back to the island and revived her.
After a while when she recovered and found out that the pirate
had saved her life, she said "You saved my life! I will do ANYTHING
for you!"
The pirate, not having much sexual action in a long time thinks
about it for a little while and says... "All right! Can you hold
the sheep for me?"
The Magician and the Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
was different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do
the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem:
the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand
how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are
all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after
all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and
sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle
of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared
at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went
on for a day, and then another.
On the third day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give
up. Where's the ship?"
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